This One's For The Girls

I'm living the high life. And I will try to paint a picture for you as to why I'm saying this. I'm writing from my hammock. And as is that's not enough, I'm on top of a sand dune in between two palm trees, right in front of waves crashing on a Carolina shore. For the past week I have been living in a house with 6 beautiful and wonderful women (normally I would feel weird calling my best friends women, but after last thursday when we graduated it seems a little more normal.)

The reason I am rubbing in the wonderfulness (is that a word?) of my situation is to say that I couldn't have planned this better. I look back on everything that I have experienced in high school and I couldn't feel more blessed. It's a crazy feeling, I can never find words to describe the greatness of God's presence in situations and God's presence in the past four years of my life is inevitable.

The funny thing about all this is a lot of things in high school didn't go my way. I've dealt with a broken heart, broken family, broken friendships, and broken situations, the list could go on.

Last night one of my best friends passed out. That sounds really bad since we're on senior week, which is already negatively connotated . But I assure you low blood pressure, nothing alcoholic, caused this. When this happened,seeing that none of us are doctors, the only thing we knew to do was take her to the ER. And when she came out some one asked her what the doctor said was wrong. She jokingly said "they told me I'm broken." It struck me how true this was.

It's almost humbling when we realize how broken we all are. When we become aware of the pieces we are in or of the shattered state of our heart. But His word says

 

"Gather the pieces, let nothing be wasted" John 6:12
He wants to pick up all the crumbs, pieces, tears, and breaks and mold them back together into a beautiful creation that he intended us to be. Being held together by the gentleness of his mercy and the strength of his love.

As comforting as that is, its the last part that is thrilling to me. "let nothing be wasted." We so often hope for God's will but when something doesn't go out way we get tripped out. It throws us for a loop when we realize our will might not be the same as God's will.

My will was not fulfilled for a good portion of my last four years. (Praise God!) But His was, and though the shattered pieces, he has picked them up and let nothing go to waste. He has blessed me unconditionally.

...a side note, this in it self is a lesson for me. He loves UNconditionally. How often do we love on condition? We love because someone loves us, or either we don't love because someone has hurt us. Praise God, our Redeemer doesn't love us any less for all the times we hurt him.

Back to the point...I have discovered hope is not something we can imagine. Max Lucado says "hope is not a wish granted" and he's right. Hope is unexpected. Hope is God surprising us out of out socks. We cannot wish for it because we can't imagine it. Hope is what God has done in situations, friendships and relationships that have done everything from hurt me, helped me, broken me, and healed me. But most importantly molded me into what I am now.

While I believe we grow numb to hurt and brokenness, I also believe we grow numb to beauty and amazement. However through the rush and business or graduation, graduation parties, senior beach trip, and a million and one thank you notes, God has slowed me down and opened my eyes to this. Opened my eyes to the beauty in a group of seven girls who have spent all the tears and laughs of high school together, the beauty in the hesitation of leaving behind on of my best friends a year younger than me when I go to college but excitement of watching her grow her senior year, beauty in the giddiness of getting to know someone new and not knowing where in the world God will take the relationship, beauty in wisdom and advice of friends that have just finished their freshman year of college, beauty in the community of the people I'm about to go to puerto Rico with and the excitement we have to serve as one body.

I could go on forever. Point is, God has a way of slapping us in the face and surprising us out of our socks, a way of sweetly breaking us only to repair us into a creation far better than we could ever imagine. Our sight so often though becomes so blurry and tear-filled we can't see that he's working right in front of us. We cant see bitter glances of a lost friends will turn into loving and open arms of new friends. We can't see then unconfident broken heart will find a new confidence in the Lord. We hear "God works for the good of those who love him," it's such simple concept but we doubt it so much. But realizing this is key, reAlizing He is, He has, and He WILL continue to work for our good. This is thrilling, not quite scary, and more than mere excitement. Thrill.

Ironically enough I'm writing in a journal that I've written in from the first day of my senior year and I just so happen to be on the last page. I realize that when I started I never could have guessed the words, thoughts, and stories that would fill up these pages, the curve balls God has thrown me, the slaps in the face He's given me, or the surprise parties He has thrown me. Now that I can see that, I can only hope that my next journal will be filled with just as many stories of God picking up my pieces and molding them back with His beauty and love.

"Dont interrupt! RUDE!"

So there's a feeling I get when I know I need to blog, usually it feels like something inside of me is  bubbling over and I gotta get it out! Its been weeks since I've last posted, at first I expected to do it more often but the feelings have been more of a "simmer" lately not quite a "boil." I fully believe that God does not just simmer inside of people but boils and bubbles over until we cant contain it anymore. While it is very obvious that he is bubbling over in my life, sometimes he lets me know its just not the time to write, I dont know why other than "because He said so" but when something happens to turn up the volume a little more I know I have to come here, because just telling one or two friends about what's going on just doesn't cut it. I realized all this happening and it made me wonder why it's like that, how come I can't keep it in?? Well the obvious answer to this is a) its God. Duh. Who is completely uncontainable. but also because b) a love has been shown to me that is greater than I could imagine, doesn't that deserve some sort of response? I guess my teenage girl instincts kicked in and this feeling made me think of a chick flick scenario. Ya know on movies and stuff when that nerdy kid who has a crush on the hottest girl in the school always will do anything and I mean ANYTHING for the girl? and all she does is laugh at him with all her friends! in the wise words of the great Bon Qui Qui, "RUDE!" It makes me mad just thinking about it. I mean you feel bad for the little guy! He spends his whole high school career sacrificing for this one girl, who doesn’t even pay him attention, and is kinda a jerk in the first place. I mean, if he asked her out she probably wouldn’t even bother with responding. But this to me seems to be so much like our relationship with God. I mean we have this guy sacrificing anything and everything for us, his own son!, and we shrug it off so easy. AND we're not even that great! (just like homegirl in the chickflick) We're so messed up, so broken, yet we're endlessly pursued. Random fact about me...When a girl and guy are starting to date and whatnot I believe the girl should be pursued. and I feel pretty confident in saying most...well maybe not most these days....but atleast SOME other girls feel this way as well. why you may ask? cause being pursued makes people feel wanted, who doesn’t want to feel wanted? It makes girls think "out of all of them, i'm the one he picked" It simply makes someone feel loved. and check it out... "You did not choose me, but I chose YOU and appointed YOU to go and bear fruit" -John 15:16

Here God straight tells us wassup. But there are so many other real life examples of this in the bible. God CHOSE Noah, He CAME to Abraham, and PERSUED David. I mean David screwed up a million and one times but God kept coming for him, and David kept allowing God to work in his life. Keep in mind this is the same guy who was a thief, murderer, and adulterer yet God called him “a man after His heart.”

I can get really frustrated with myself a lot of times, it might be in that I simply don’t want to disappoint the Guy who loves me so much. It’s a silly thought I know, but the reason why its so dumb is because what can I do?! Not much. I’m imperfect and sinful and broken, like every other person on earth.

“I know that nothing good lives within me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out.” –Romans 7:18

The good that is in us, is not from us, it only comes from Him. I love this little chunk of Romans cause Paul talks about how he can’t do any good without God. God is the one who initiates our relationship. All we can do is allow him to do that, surrender what we have, make room in our hearts so that it can be filled with goodness. (I like using the word “goodness” I mean what exactly does that even mean? It’s a fruit of the spirit but who even prays for goodness? I think the word is underused)

We see the things that God did in people’s lives in the Old Testament and think its crazy, but it’s the same God right? And he pursues us the same way he pursues them. So why don’t we give him a response? I think a love as great as that deserves a response. The same way it would be rude for a girl not to respond when a guy was asking her out on a date, so isn’t it rude not to respond when God is asking us out on dates? Trying to spend time with us? Trying to work in our lives?  But that in itself is the best part to me, the fact that no matter how rude we are to him, no matter how much we interupt his plans with ours, ignore or shrug him off he’s still determined to love us.

in His love,

Em

On The Brink of His Beauty

Smack dab in the middle. Yesterday was Good Friday, where we stop to fall on our knees before the cross, to recognize the great love and the great sacrifice. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, the day we rejoice in that our Savior has overcome death. But what about the Saturday in between? No one ever talks about that day. But for some reason this little day that has been caught in the middle, has also caught my attention.

Yesterday as I was walking, and praying, through the "stations of the cross" at my church I kept thinking about what it would be like if I was there. If I had seen my Father, my Friend, my Beloved, my Son (in Mary's case) up on the cross. But more importantly, what about after that? What the heck are you supposed do after you had just seen Jesus Christ crucified?! Talk about an intensely emotional day.

Looking back on it, we see that those that were there on this day were caught somewhere in between the pain of the cross, and the joy of the Resurrection. I can't begin to imagine how long that Saturday must have felt.

I feel like the instinct reaction for this day would be to weep, mourn, cry out. But right before Jesus is hung on the cross he gently says to the daughters of Israel "Do not weep for me" -Luke 23:28. If he had said that to me in that moment I feel sure that I would be speechless. And if I COULD have said something it probably would have been  a little like "Jesus, What the heck?" Which is a question I ask him a lot. 

Those that were there were on the brink of the most joyous day in history, yet they were mourning in their pain. I can't help but believe that this is so much like how we are today.

one of my best friends favorite bible verses is 
 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. -2 Corinthians 2:14.

Its striking how true this is. The day stuck in the middle is the most triumphal procession of all time! It was all leading up, yet they couldn't fathom the joy that would come in the morning. This seems perfectly parallel to what is happening right now in my life.

I look back on things that happened in middle school, and realize that God did those things for a reason. Its crazy how that works, mind blowing how things that were happening 7 years ago as I was entering middle school have prepared me for what is happening in my life NOW! as I'm about to enter college! and it is STILL a triumphal procession, things that happened last week have been preparing me for tomorrow! Easter! The Resurrection! I wish there was a key on this keyboard that could express my excitement right now! (Even exclamation marks can't even cut it) But this is no coincidence, these small, medium, and biggy sized, things in my life have all been orchestrated by a great composer to show me the great love that he has. That I feel full of. That I can never comprehend.


Currently I'm in a stuck-in-the-middle sorta position. Kinda like this Saturday is. I have applied for a position to be able to serve God, and high schoolers coming to know Christ, all summer. After 3 months, I have yet to hear back from the organization and currently have no clue what I will be doing this summer. While God is definitely teaching me patience with this situation, what he has taught me more is that I MUST serve. I have to. There is no telling him no. And although I do not know how, what, when, or where I will do this. I know He has STILL prepared a way for me to do so. I'm stuck in the middle and on the brink of his unknown greatness.

 I cannot help but believe we are all in this same position in some way or another and that he is

"Preparing God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up." Ephesians 4:12


So as the beauty of the resurrection approaches and we become caught in his love and wonder, I am encouraged to fall on my knees before the cross and wholly surrender to his timing whether it takes him 3 days or 3 months to reveal his plan, or despite the fact that I may want to say to him "Jesus, what the heck?" As he gently comforted the daughters of Israel in Luke 23, he does the same to us, knowing of the joy he has prepared for us. And in that, All I know to do is rejoice.

such.a.good.song. feast your ears.

HAPPY EASTER EVE!
in Christ's Love,
Em 

Always Forever

I've been having trouble with words lately. I can't quite say what I want to say. Not regularly, just when I describe God. How do you describe Him, the great, the powerful, the perfect, the sinless, the beautiful, the everything? It can't be done. As the song says "Indescribable, Uncontainable". And it's SO true.

In my walk with Christ he always finds a way to amaze me at how indescribable he is. It's like someones holding my tongue while I try to talk, I cant ever get out what I'm feeling inside. The only words I can find to describe this beautiful thing that I seem to feel all around me is Always Forever. two words that really can't be described in the first place.

As humans we live our lives centered around time. What time we need to get up in the morning, what homework we need to have done by Monday, what I need to do before I leave for college...those are just a few in my life right now. It all revolves around one thing. Time. Our minds can't even comprehend the idea of their being an Always, OR Forever. But that's what God calls us to, he calls us to set our eyes upon that which is eternal. To focus on that which we cannot even comprehend. and that's where the uncontainable part comes in....

While God keeps pouring out his love to me, I have become a tad bit full, I'm beginning to overflow. I can't keep it in, its ALMOST like the way you felt when you were in middle school and you had your first kiss and you went in your room and shut the door and jumped all around and thought you were the coolest kid on the planet even though both of you  had braces and didn't know what you were doing so it was actually just really awkward.....okay maybe I'm the only one that had an experience like that, and it may be a TEENY bit of a stretch, but not really. It's been a few years since those days, but even though a first kiss doesn't send me jumping on my bed anymore, feeling God pour out his love for me does. It's Uncontainable. It does things in me that I didn't even know I could do, or want to do...small example: having a blog.

And so here I am, typing without even thinking about what I'm saying. I'm totally just speaking, or i guess writing, out of feeling. Something i usually try to avoid, but for some reason it just feels right. I never thought about blogging. Actually my brain just laid an idea egg today and a blog hatched out. (excuse my Easter spirit) So, like how it always seems with God, I don't really know what's going on, which I've begun to get used to with Him. But what I do know is that this is about Him, not me, so I guess we'll see where the Always Forever leads this.

You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life

You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever

You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever

until next time,
In Christ's Love
Em