Serve It Uppp!

SHOOOO WEEE! I have the writing feverrr! For some reason I have been crazy about writing lately, letters, journals, random revelations on the side of my biology notes…hah! That’s a joke, I don’t take biology notes, or do anything in that class as a matter of fact. But I guess I’m finally getting around to the blog thanggg…and it’s about time!

This is the first time I have written since I left for college. Wowzas. To much to comprehend…yes. A little overwhelming…yes. When is God NOT overwhelming? He has opened my eyes in ways that are indescribable. And that doesn’t even cut it. The phrase “opened my eyes” isn’t quite dramatic enough. Renewed my life day after day? Now that sounds more like it. I was looking back over my journal entries from the first of the school year yesterday and I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s insane. Filled with his goodness. Filled with true surrender. Filled things that I could not have planned or been able to dream up in my mind. And it’s nothing of my own.

 I have heard about the idea of the “happiness paradox” essentially it say that when people try to live their life solely to make themselves happy, they end up being the most miserable. Hmmm wonder why? Uh maybe because God created our lives so that we may lose it for him!!

I have a lot of friends older than me, and I have also been involved in a non-denominational ministry, Young Life, for a while. I remember last year talking to my friends already in college and being so jealous of all the campus ministries, awesome community, and opportunities they had! I couldn’t wait to do Young Life in college and all sorts of other things, so that I could GROW. My view was obiviously a tad bit wrong…okay, a lot wrong. I came here thinking that Appalachian was the place God wanted me to grow. I never thought about coming here to SERVE.

“For even the Son of God did not come to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many.” -Mark 10:45

Sidenote…my computer just caught the mistake that I didn’t capitalize “Son.” It’s not the start of a sentence, or a name, according to Microsoft Word. Why the heck did it just do that other than the fact that it knows that when we talk about Jesus it should be capitalized!? That makes me smile.

So lets get this straight…if we’re supposed to live like Jesus Christ, who’s one goal was to serve his Father, then that should be ours as well. What’s stopping us? For me I think there were two main reasons.

a)    I wasn’t worried about serving in the first place. I was worried about growing. I came here so that I could grow. But I see that the reason I’m staying here, is so that I may serve.

b)   I don’t think I realized I was able.

It’s obvious that living to grow just won’t work. That’s the whole reason for the happiness paradox. Living for your self doesn’t bring satisfaction. We will never be able to have the sweetness of life if we live a life for our selves. So we serve, we give our life up and live to serve a God and we are blessed with inevitable growth and LIFE!

So what about when I’m having a not so good day? What about the times I feel like I’m not adjusting well to the extreme change that college is? What about when I’m in darkness? But wait…Doesn’t He call us to be lights in the darkness? I’ve realized that sometimes the dark doesn’t have to be a place full of “sin.” I’m gonna be a little vulnerable, in hopes that if you care enough to be reading this, that you don’t care that I’m not perfect and don’t have everything down. (shockerrrr) In fact, I hope this blog is full of showing my learning through weaknesses. ANYWAYS. For me, lately at least, my darkness has been not believing I am not able.  LIES.

“For when you are weak, then you are strong” -2 Corinthians 12:10

When I am least able, God makes his presence most known. The least I have of my self, the more God blesses me in filling me with his Spirit! I’ve kind of realized that sometimes it only takes people believing they are able, for them to do something about it. But God tells us we are able. And if we aren’t able, then who is? If we aren’t going to do something then who will? If I don’t talk to that awkward girl down the hall who only stays in her room or in the hall lounge and crochets, then who will? I mean really…

I was talking to one of my best friends from home the other day about something that bothered her in her youth group. She felt like the situation prevented her from growing. I didn’t really know what to say, but God made him self known. The truth became known. It is a blessing that she saw the darkness! It is a blessing that she saw something wrong with the situation because it made her able to do something about it. If she, as a senior girl, a leader, a believer, doesn’t serve God by showing her youth group the light in the darkness that they may be going through, then who will?

Oh my. Think about all the opportunities that open up when we see our lives (both the dark and the light) as chances to SERVE as opposed to chances for growth. Mmmm…Life just got a lot sweeter.

love love love!

Em

A Tad Bit Tardy...

Sooo I wrote this blog a long time ago...almost four months ago actually, but for some reason I'm just getting to post it. I'm not quite sure why it has taken me this long to copy and paste something from a word document to a blog post. but who really cares? here it is...finally.

So I have to write about Puerto Rico. I mean there is no way that I can capture everything from that week into words. But it’s the effort that counts right? I’ve been putting this off for a while. I mean it’s just so impossible!! Ever tried to capture God’s glory in words? Exactly. It ain’t gonna happen. But I have an ultimatum for myself…I can’t read Lou Bankhead's blog about Puerto Rico until I write my own. And I’m pretty antsy about reading hers so it’s forcing me to do this. 

I guess I should probably start this by saying I wasn’t even planning on going to Puerto Rio. But God was. He was planning on being there, and he was planning on getting me there, somehow, someway. Even if that meant throwing away my hopes of working at a Young Life camp this summer…which he tossed out the window pretty blatantly. Disappointed? Yes. A little pissed? Yes.  Could have thrown kittens? Yes. Needless to say, when I found out that the logistics of the camp didn’t allow for me to go, I was not a happy camper. (pun intended, I was neither happy nor a camper)

Isn’t it funny how distracted we get from God’s plans when we have our own?  Literally, It really is humorous to me, I mean I kinda imagine God poking me like the Pillsbury doughboy and giggling being like “haha! See! Shoulda listened to me earlierrrr!”  I feel like God laughs with me a lot when I’m humbled in that way.

Back to the point…at this time I thought that I wasn’t going to be able to go to Puerto Rico (all the spots were filled at the time) or YL camp.  I was pretty upset that I was not going to be able to serve God this summer.

Time out…A) How dumb was I to think that I couldn’t serve our Lord without leaving the 704? B) How dumb was I to think that God would ignore a heart that was willing and ready to serve him?

Now that we’ve pointed out just how ridiculous I was being…. I now know, I was supposed to be in Puerto Rico. I can’t imagine my summer with out it now.  And it’s only been 2 weeks!  And once I found out that there was an open spot for the trip I could have turned cartwheels, actually I’m pretty sure I did.  I was acting out of my mind nonetheless.

“If we are out of our minds it is for the sake of God” -2 Corinthians 5:13

and when I say out of my mind, I mean it. I’m already a little over the top, and when the excitement over the Holy Spirit gets in me, I’m “ridiculous” as my friends called me while they watched me dance and jump around on the beach then run in circles and try to jump over waves as they washed in. Don’t think of this as a graceful dancing around. I was bouncing off the walls yelling for all of ocean lakes to hear “I’M GOING TO FREAKIN PUERTO RICO IN THREE DAYSSSSSSSSS!”  There was nothing calm about it, it was just one of those moments where you can’t contain your excitement! And for some reason it hit me and busted out on Myrtle Beach while I was laying on a towel talking to my best friends about bikini’s we liked and what our plans for the rest of the summer were. God has way of making a fool outta me. Don’t you just love his spontaneity??

I really need to stop rambling…. Point is, previous to Puerto Rico I was looking to serve God with my own plans. God made it clear to me that’s not how he works.  I was looking to find Him in my own plans that were obviously doomed from the start because they were MINE and not HIS. I was looking for light in a cave.

 I’ve gone caving a few times, and every time the cave ends. You hit a wall eventually. 

After Jesus was buried, Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Mary the mother of James and some others went to the tomb to find Jesus.

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?” –Luke 24:5

They, like us, look for light among darkness. We travel deeper and deeper into our tombs in search of life. Why would we want to live our life amongst the dead? Imagining that is enough to creep me out.

I’m taking another time out so hang with me. I promise it will all tie in…. I have heard this question a lot; If someone claims to be “saved” and then lives as though they don’t know Jesus Christ are they really saved? It’s a scary question. And probably a little dangerous to write about since I’m an 18-year-old girl who has no theological training or seminary experience of any of that stuff. But for some reason I’m gonna go out on a limb and talk about it anyways. (I’m tellin ya, being crazy in love makes you do crazy things)

So, to answer that…I believe we have skewed the idea of what it means to be  “saved.” Does our salvation really depend on praying a specific prayer? No. David Platt once said

“You will not find a verse in scripture where people are told to ‘bow your heads, close your eyes and repeat after me…we have reduced the infinitely worthy Lord of all into a poor puny Savior who is begging us to accept him” 

Scripture never even focuses on “accepting Christ.” He is the God of all ages. Do you seriously think he needs our acceptance? WE need HIM. Not the other way around. Salvation is a little more than kneeling at an alter or filling out a card. (hah! Understatement.) It is realizing our sinfulness and depravity, seeing the broken states of our hearts, feeling the desperate need for our Savior, falling at his feet and knowing we can do nothing but surrender ALL to him.

That’s when we realize we are in a cave. In search of life among the dead. We hit that back wall and see that it goes no further. Praise God for that wall! When we realize how empty we really are, only then may we be filled by Jesus Christ. We have to be broken down for him to build us up.  Through salvation he gives us the gift of grace but also creates a new heart. Builds a new creation.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come” -2 Corinthians 5:17

 A new creation and heart that desires what he desires, that seeks him, loves and longs for him and is desperate for his love.  And through this we realize that salvation’s gift is, not just forgiveness for our sins, but is knowing God as our father, friend, and love. The only way to respond to this is surrendering and abandoning ourselves completely and fully so that we may know and experience him in all his glory.

Dang son. I haven’t even gotten to tell all the good stuff about the actual trip.  But I suppose this is enough for one blog. I have been so encouraged to pray for those around me and myself to realize the emptiness of our spiritual bellies and begin to gain a hunger for Jesus Christ. Crazy stuff. And in all honestly I probably didn’t write this very well. God is kinda throwing things at me right now and it’s a little tricky to organize all these thoughts. More of Puerto Rico is coming though!

In Christ’s Love,

Em

This One's For The Girls

I'm living the high life. And I will try to paint a picture for you as to why I'm saying this. I'm writing from my hammock. And as is that's not enough, I'm on top of a sand dune in between two palm trees, right in front of waves crashing on a Carolina shore. For the past week I have been living in a house with 6 beautiful and wonderful women (normally I would feel weird calling my best friends women, but after last thursday when we graduated it seems a little more normal.)

The reason I am rubbing in the wonderfulness (is that a word?) of my situation is to say that I couldn't have planned this better. I look back on everything that I have experienced in high school and I couldn't feel more blessed. It's a crazy feeling, I can never find words to describe the greatness of God's presence in situations and God's presence in the past four years of my life is inevitable.

The funny thing about all this is a lot of things in high school didn't go my way. I've dealt with a broken heart, broken family, broken friendships, and broken situations, the list could go on.

Last night one of my best friends passed out. That sounds really bad since we're on senior week, which is already negatively connotated . But I assure you low blood pressure, nothing alcoholic, caused this. When this happened,seeing that none of us are doctors, the only thing we knew to do was take her to the ER. And when she came out some one asked her what the doctor said was wrong. She jokingly said "they told me I'm broken." It struck me how true this was.

It's almost humbling when we realize how broken we all are. When we become aware of the pieces we are in or of the shattered state of our heart. But His word says

 

"Gather the pieces, let nothing be wasted" John 6:12
He wants to pick up all the crumbs, pieces, tears, and breaks and mold them back together into a beautiful creation that he intended us to be. Being held together by the gentleness of his mercy and the strength of his love.

As comforting as that is, its the last part that is thrilling to me. "let nothing be wasted." We so often hope for God's will but when something doesn't go out way we get tripped out. It throws us for a loop when we realize our will might not be the same as God's will.

My will was not fulfilled for a good portion of my last four years. (Praise God!) But His was, and though the shattered pieces, he has picked them up and let nothing go to waste. He has blessed me unconditionally.

...a side note, this in it self is a lesson for me. He loves UNconditionally. How often do we love on condition? We love because someone loves us, or either we don't love because someone has hurt us. Praise God, our Redeemer doesn't love us any less for all the times we hurt him.

Back to the point...I have discovered hope is not something we can imagine. Max Lucado says "hope is not a wish granted" and he's right. Hope is unexpected. Hope is God surprising us out of out socks. We cannot wish for it because we can't imagine it. Hope is what God has done in situations, friendships and relationships that have done everything from hurt me, helped me, broken me, and healed me. But most importantly molded me into what I am now.

While I believe we grow numb to hurt and brokenness, I also believe we grow numb to beauty and amazement. However through the rush and business or graduation, graduation parties, senior beach trip, and a million and one thank you notes, God has slowed me down and opened my eyes to this. Opened my eyes to the beauty in a group of seven girls who have spent all the tears and laughs of high school together, the beauty in the hesitation of leaving behind on of my best friends a year younger than me when I go to college but excitement of watching her grow her senior year, beauty in the giddiness of getting to know someone new and not knowing where in the world God will take the relationship, beauty in wisdom and advice of friends that have just finished their freshman year of college, beauty in the community of the people I'm about to go to puerto Rico with and the excitement we have to serve as one body.

I could go on forever. Point is, God has a way of slapping us in the face and surprising us out of our socks, a way of sweetly breaking us only to repair us into a creation far better than we could ever imagine. Our sight so often though becomes so blurry and tear-filled we can't see that he's working right in front of us. We cant see bitter glances of a lost friends will turn into loving and open arms of new friends. We can't see then unconfident broken heart will find a new confidence in the Lord. We hear "God works for the good of those who love him," it's such simple concept but we doubt it so much. But realizing this is key, reAlizing He is, He has, and He WILL continue to work for our good. This is thrilling, not quite scary, and more than mere excitement. Thrill.

Ironically enough I'm writing in a journal that I've written in from the first day of my senior year and I just so happen to be on the last page. I realize that when I started I never could have guessed the words, thoughts, and stories that would fill up these pages, the curve balls God has thrown me, the slaps in the face He's given me, or the surprise parties He has thrown me. Now that I can see that, I can only hope that my next journal will be filled with just as many stories of God picking up my pieces and molding them back with His beauty and love.

"Dont interrupt! RUDE!"

So there's a feeling I get when I know I need to blog, usually it feels like something inside of me is  bubbling over and I gotta get it out! Its been weeks since I've last posted, at first I expected to do it more often but the feelings have been more of a "simmer" lately not quite a "boil." I fully believe that God does not just simmer inside of people but boils and bubbles over until we cant contain it anymore. While it is very obvious that he is bubbling over in my life, sometimes he lets me know its just not the time to write, I dont know why other than "because He said so" but when something happens to turn up the volume a little more I know I have to come here, because just telling one or two friends about what's going on just doesn't cut it. I realized all this happening and it made me wonder why it's like that, how come I can't keep it in?? Well the obvious answer to this is a) its God. Duh. Who is completely uncontainable. but also because b) a love has been shown to me that is greater than I could imagine, doesn't that deserve some sort of response? I guess my teenage girl instincts kicked in and this feeling made me think of a chick flick scenario. Ya know on movies and stuff when that nerdy kid who has a crush on the hottest girl in the school always will do anything and I mean ANYTHING for the girl? and all she does is laugh at him with all her friends! in the wise words of the great Bon Qui Qui, "RUDE!" It makes me mad just thinking about it. I mean you feel bad for the little guy! He spends his whole high school career sacrificing for this one girl, who doesn’t even pay him attention, and is kinda a jerk in the first place. I mean, if he asked her out she probably wouldn’t even bother with responding. But this to me seems to be so much like our relationship with God. I mean we have this guy sacrificing anything and everything for us, his own son!, and we shrug it off so easy. AND we're not even that great! (just like homegirl in the chickflick) We're so messed up, so broken, yet we're endlessly pursued. Random fact about me...When a girl and guy are starting to date and whatnot I believe the girl should be pursued. and I feel pretty confident in saying most...well maybe not most these days....but atleast SOME other girls feel this way as well. why you may ask? cause being pursued makes people feel wanted, who doesn’t want to feel wanted? It makes girls think "out of all of them, i'm the one he picked" It simply makes someone feel loved. and check it out... "You did not choose me, but I chose YOU and appointed YOU to go and bear fruit" -John 15:16

Here God straight tells us wassup. But there are so many other real life examples of this in the bible. God CHOSE Noah, He CAME to Abraham, and PERSUED David. I mean David screwed up a million and one times but God kept coming for him, and David kept allowing God to work in his life. Keep in mind this is the same guy who was a thief, murderer, and adulterer yet God called him “a man after His heart.”

I can get really frustrated with myself a lot of times, it might be in that I simply don’t want to disappoint the Guy who loves me so much. It’s a silly thought I know, but the reason why its so dumb is because what can I do?! Not much. I’m imperfect and sinful and broken, like every other person on earth.

“I know that nothing good lives within me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out.” –Romans 7:18

The good that is in us, is not from us, it only comes from Him. I love this little chunk of Romans cause Paul talks about how he can’t do any good without God. God is the one who initiates our relationship. All we can do is allow him to do that, surrender what we have, make room in our hearts so that it can be filled with goodness. (I like using the word “goodness” I mean what exactly does that even mean? It’s a fruit of the spirit but who even prays for goodness? I think the word is underused)

We see the things that God did in people’s lives in the Old Testament and think its crazy, but it’s the same God right? And he pursues us the same way he pursues them. So why don’t we give him a response? I think a love as great as that deserves a response. The same way it would be rude for a girl not to respond when a guy was asking her out on a date, so isn’t it rude not to respond when God is asking us out on dates? Trying to spend time with us? Trying to work in our lives?  But that in itself is the best part to me, the fact that no matter how rude we are to him, no matter how much we interupt his plans with ours, ignore or shrug him off he’s still determined to love us.

in His love,

Em

On The Brink of His Beauty

Smack dab in the middle. Yesterday was Good Friday, where we stop to fall on our knees before the cross, to recognize the great love and the great sacrifice. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, the day we rejoice in that our Savior has overcome death. But what about the Saturday in between? No one ever talks about that day. But for some reason this little day that has been caught in the middle, has also caught my attention.

Yesterday as I was walking, and praying, through the "stations of the cross" at my church I kept thinking about what it would be like if I was there. If I had seen my Father, my Friend, my Beloved, my Son (in Mary's case) up on the cross. But more importantly, what about after that? What the heck are you supposed do after you had just seen Jesus Christ crucified?! Talk about an intensely emotional day.

Looking back on it, we see that those that were there on this day were caught somewhere in between the pain of the cross, and the joy of the Resurrection. I can't begin to imagine how long that Saturday must have felt.

I feel like the instinct reaction for this day would be to weep, mourn, cry out. But right before Jesus is hung on the cross he gently says to the daughters of Israel "Do not weep for me" -Luke 23:28. If he had said that to me in that moment I feel sure that I would be speechless. And if I COULD have said something it probably would have been  a little like "Jesus, What the heck?" Which is a question I ask him a lot. 

Those that were there were on the brink of the most joyous day in history, yet they were mourning in their pain. I can't help but believe that this is so much like how we are today.

one of my best friends favorite bible verses is 
 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. -2 Corinthians 2:14.

Its striking how true this is. The day stuck in the middle is the most triumphal procession of all time! It was all leading up, yet they couldn't fathom the joy that would come in the morning. This seems perfectly parallel to what is happening right now in my life.

I look back on things that happened in middle school, and realize that God did those things for a reason. Its crazy how that works, mind blowing how things that were happening 7 years ago as I was entering middle school have prepared me for what is happening in my life NOW! as I'm about to enter college! and it is STILL a triumphal procession, things that happened last week have been preparing me for tomorrow! Easter! The Resurrection! I wish there was a key on this keyboard that could express my excitement right now! (Even exclamation marks can't even cut it) But this is no coincidence, these small, medium, and biggy sized, things in my life have all been orchestrated by a great composer to show me the great love that he has. That I feel full of. That I can never comprehend.


Currently I'm in a stuck-in-the-middle sorta position. Kinda like this Saturday is. I have applied for a position to be able to serve God, and high schoolers coming to know Christ, all summer. After 3 months, I have yet to hear back from the organization and currently have no clue what I will be doing this summer. While God is definitely teaching me patience with this situation, what he has taught me more is that I MUST serve. I have to. There is no telling him no. And although I do not know how, what, when, or where I will do this. I know He has STILL prepared a way for me to do so. I'm stuck in the middle and on the brink of his unknown greatness.

 I cannot help but believe we are all in this same position in some way or another and that he is

"Preparing God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up." Ephesians 4:12


So as the beauty of the resurrection approaches and we become caught in his love and wonder, I am encouraged to fall on my knees before the cross and wholly surrender to his timing whether it takes him 3 days or 3 months to reveal his plan, or despite the fact that I may want to say to him "Jesus, what the heck?" As he gently comforted the daughters of Israel in Luke 23, he does the same to us, knowing of the joy he has prepared for us. And in that, All I know to do is rejoice.

such.a.good.song. feast your ears.

HAPPY EASTER EVE!
in Christ's Love,
Em 

Always Forever

I've been having trouble with words lately. I can't quite say what I want to say. Not regularly, just when I describe God. How do you describe Him, the great, the powerful, the perfect, the sinless, the beautiful, the everything? It can't be done. As the song says "Indescribable, Uncontainable". And it's SO true.

In my walk with Christ he always finds a way to amaze me at how indescribable he is. It's like someones holding my tongue while I try to talk, I cant ever get out what I'm feeling inside. The only words I can find to describe this beautiful thing that I seem to feel all around me is Always Forever. two words that really can't be described in the first place.

As humans we live our lives centered around time. What time we need to get up in the morning, what homework we need to have done by Monday, what I need to do before I leave for college...those are just a few in my life right now. It all revolves around one thing. Time. Our minds can't even comprehend the idea of their being an Always, OR Forever. But that's what God calls us to, he calls us to set our eyes upon that which is eternal. To focus on that which we cannot even comprehend. and that's where the uncontainable part comes in....

While God keeps pouring out his love to me, I have become a tad bit full, I'm beginning to overflow. I can't keep it in, its ALMOST like the way you felt when you were in middle school and you had your first kiss and you went in your room and shut the door and jumped all around and thought you were the coolest kid on the planet even though both of you  had braces and didn't know what you were doing so it was actually just really awkward.....okay maybe I'm the only one that had an experience like that, and it may be a TEENY bit of a stretch, but not really. It's been a few years since those days, but even though a first kiss doesn't send me jumping on my bed anymore, feeling God pour out his love for me does. It's Uncontainable. It does things in me that I didn't even know I could do, or want to do...small example: having a blog.

And so here I am, typing without even thinking about what I'm saying. I'm totally just speaking, or i guess writing, out of feeling. Something i usually try to avoid, but for some reason it just feels right. I never thought about blogging. Actually my brain just laid an idea egg today and a blog hatched out. (excuse my Easter spirit) So, like how it always seems with God, I don't really know what's going on, which I've begun to get used to with Him. But what I do know is that this is about Him, not me, so I guess we'll see where the Always Forever leads this.

You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life

You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever

You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever

until next time,
In Christ's Love
Em